About your proclivity for jumping into divisive topics, I come from the opposite direction: I was always afraid of confrontation, and I’m just recently trying to learn to speak my mind.
I think that the one between speaking and listening is a false dichotomy: if you speak to judge and convince, and if you are listening to reply, they both do harm communication. If you speak to be understood or to solicit your partner to elaborate on their position, they both help communication.
Saying how you feel helps more than just saying what you think (even more than “taking a stance”). Starting your sentences with “I” elicits less defensiveness than with “you”. And so on.
What I’m trying to say is: don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.
Thank you so much for articulating that which I think many of us are feeling and working to better align to. I just want to hang out with people again, not pre-judge all my interactions based on what I know about the other person!
This is such an important article. Thank you for calling us to real action over the shallow work of performance. I share many of your goals for taking myself out of online dialogues and into the real world.
Francesca, I think that your call to put our self-righteousness on hold and promote listening is both appropriate and inspiring, even though not very easy to put into practice.
I’ve always considered myself a progressist, and only recently I tried to read conservative opinions with my “ideological firewall” switched off. The number of things that resonated with me was amazing and… scary! With time, I usually managed to break each concept into smaller pieces, separate what I didn’t agree with from what I needed to keep into account, and still recognize myself, just a bit grown-up, but during this process I’m always afraid that my identity could be swept away.
However, one thing that scares me even more is the realization of how much our “ideological firewall” separates us from one another.
Of course! When I started the work I am doing on masculinity I felt like I was abandoning a cult.. even though I never thought I was in a cult to begin with..! That made me acutely aware of the importance of holding our convictions with care and softness. Always remembering that our most crucial responsibility is to protect our humanity. We can only do it by protecting the humanity of the people we encounter, even the ones we disagree with.
“The kind of work that is sorely needed isn’t glamorous at all. It doesn’t go viral. It rarely makes anyone feel morally superior.” Francesca you are always having the conversations I am itching to have. I think about performative politics all the time. Especially as a writer acutely aware that what goes viral is the moral certainty, not the moral curiosity.
About your proclivity for jumping into divisive topics, I come from the opposite direction: I was always afraid of confrontation, and I’m just recently trying to learn to speak my mind.
I think that the one between speaking and listening is a false dichotomy: if you speak to judge and convince, and if you are listening to reply, they both do harm communication. If you speak to be understood or to solicit your partner to elaborate on their position, they both help communication.
Saying how you feel helps more than just saying what you think (even more than “taking a stance”). Starting your sentences with “I” elicits less defensiveness than with “you”. And so on.
What I’m trying to say is: don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.
That should be the goal, yes
Thank you so much for articulating that which I think many of us are feeling and working to better align to. I just want to hang out with people again, not pre-judge all my interactions based on what I know about the other person!
Yes! Precisely! ❤️
This is such an important article. Thank you for calling us to real action over the shallow work of performance. I share many of your goals for taking myself out of online dialogues and into the real world.
I’m glad it resonated, Lindsay! Thank you for letting me know.
Francesca, I think that your call to put our self-righteousness on hold and promote listening is both appropriate and inspiring, even though not very easy to put into practice.
I’ve always considered myself a progressist, and only recently I tried to read conservative opinions with my “ideological firewall” switched off. The number of things that resonated with me was amazing and… scary! With time, I usually managed to break each concept into smaller pieces, separate what I didn’t agree with from what I needed to keep into account, and still recognize myself, just a bit grown-up, but during this process I’m always afraid that my identity could be swept away.
However, one thing that scares me even more is the realization of how much our “ideological firewall” separates us from one another.
I wonder if this resonates with you in any way.
Of course! When I started the work I am doing on masculinity I felt like I was abandoning a cult.. even though I never thought I was in a cult to begin with..! That made me acutely aware of the importance of holding our convictions with care and softness. Always remembering that our most crucial responsibility is to protect our humanity. We can only do it by protecting the humanity of the people we encounter, even the ones we disagree with.
“The kind of work that is sorely needed isn’t glamorous at all. It doesn’t go viral. It rarely makes anyone feel morally superior.” Francesca you are always having the conversations I am itching to have. I think about performative politics all the time. Especially as a writer acutely aware that what goes viral is the moral certainty, not the moral curiosity.
Love this so much, what a beautiful call to action.
Thank you Darci!